How miscommunication sucks more than the new Star Wars

I think everyone has had problems communicating at some point in their lives. Maybe you didn't understand a person for the 3rd time and you just nod and hope that it wasn't a question, or you're too drunk to talk anymore. In this wonderful blog post I'll hopefully make you laugh by telling you a few of my own probelms that i've had in the past. And no, I'm not talking about drunk-me's abilities to talk. I know you were thinking about it. 

Who said English is easy?

English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. Laid is pronounced like paid but not said and said is pronounced like bread but not bead and bead is pronounced like lead but not lead. Aside from the inconsistent pronunciation, there are a few other things about the English language that frustrates the hell out of me.

Slang Bang

Back in good ol' Austria it is mandatory to do a “language week” in school. So when I was 16, I had to pack my most beloved things and spend one week in rainy Cambridge, UK. And oh god, the British slang. Let me tell you something about the British slang: It might sound super posh at first but in reality it is bloody bonkers.  In American English, “fag” is an insult for someone who identifies as homosexual. In British slang, however, it just means a cigarette. So if you're ever in the UK, and someone asks you for a fag, don't worry the're not asking for a companion for the night. 

“Knackered” is a word used by the British to describe their tiredness and exhaustion, in any given situation. And I mean in ANY situation. For example: I had to write my blog post, now I’m knackered. Altough knackered was a pretty popular word, the word I heard the most was “mate”. Britons LOVE the word mate. While in standard English a mate is a partner for life, for British people it means a friend. Or a stranger in public transportation. Or someone in a bar. Or a person you want to have a fight with. 

Idioms for Idiots

I think I can confidently say that I have mastered the art of English idioms. But when I am tired  / knackered I often confuse German and English phrases. Let me tell you about a little anecdote from my life: the evening before a big midterm I wished all of my international friends good luck and  told them that I will squeeze my thumbs for them. They looked at me really confused. One just casually muttered a comment about a weird fetish, others just ignored it as one of my odd things that I often say.  I just thought "bloody hell I did it agin." I translated a German phrase into English without thinking. To squeeze your thumbs for someone just means to keep one’s fingers crossed. 

The only false friends in your life that matter

The most frustrating thing about learning English are the so called “false friends”. German words that sound like English, only they are not. Let me give you an example: Beamer – sounds English, right? I always thought it was English until I was 15 years old and an American exchange student in my school did not understand what I meant. Beamer means projector in English. Maybe the name-giver of the beamer watched too much Star Trek.

But the most used false friend is Handy. The dictionary defines handy as:

hand·y /ˈhandē/

Adjective, hand·i·er, hand·i·est.

within easy reach; conveniently available; accessible

In German however, it’s just your cell phone. Just your phone. Nothing more, nothing less. And with nothing more I mean it's not a certain thing you do to help a "friend" out. Many German native speakers confuse these two words. And I do too. On a daily basis. 

Attenzione Conlusione

So all in all I can say that a little miscommunication can be fun sometimes, but if people think you're looking for a sexual act instead of your phone, things can get pretty akward real quick.